Taking a New Path
by MidnightsLady
Summary: The missing days between Book 1 and 2. How does Christian come to realize that he must be willing to take a different path if he is to be with Ana?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I wanted to explore the missing week between book 1 and 2 from Christian's perspective. I feel I must warn that I will be exploring his 'fifty shades' in full technicolor and it's not always going to be pretty. I do want to explore how he came to have a shift in worldview and be willing to explore a more equal relationship with Ana, but he's not going to be 100% hearts and flowers. Especially not right away. There will be mature content on par with what was in the books. You will see some Dom!Christian in the prologue. Fair warning.

Please let me know if this something you'd be interested in reading more of.

Prologue

_I drop the belt and pull Ana's quaking form into my arms, offering her my comfort, my affection. Her body yields perfectly against mine and I allow her to cry against my bare chest and wrap her arms around me as she weeps. At the moment her touch does not frighten me._

"_Why is that?" the voice inside me whispers cruelly. "Could it be it's because you've finally beaten her into submission?"_

_I hate that damned voice. It never used to torment me when I was with other subs, but since Anastasia has come into my life, it rarely shuts up. Well, that voice can go fuck itself. Everything is fine. It is pure perfection, actually. If I'd truly hurt Ana, she would have safe-worded. That's how this works. She is fine._

"_Hush now," I whisper against the top of her head as I gently rub small circles between her shoulder blades. "You're okay, baby. I am so very proud of you."_

"_I'm sorry I ran from you, Sir," she replies in a small, muffled voice._

_I push her back so that I can see her lovely face. The tears have stopped now and her eyes are red-rimmed, but her lips are swollen, pouty… just begging to be kissed. _

"_You won't do it again, will you Anastasia?" I ask in a low voice._

_She shakes her head slightly and whispers, "No, Sir." _

_Her gaze is cast downward. She's been thoroughly chastened. I can feel myself growing harder for her. With one small tug to the sash, her robe falls open and I reach between us, slipping a hand between her legs. I can't contain the gasp of pleasure that almost drowns out her needy, answering whimper. She's soaking wet, coating my fingers. Her body knows it is mine._

"_You're so wet for me, Anastasia," I whisper, cupping her chin with my free hand and bringing her gaze up to meet mine. "You want me to fuck you, don't you?"_

"_Yes, Sir… please." She blushes and tries to look away, but I'm still holding her chin trapped between my fingers._

"_Don't be ashamed of that, baby," I tell her gently. I remove my other hand from between her thighs and press my fingers against her full lips. "Look at me while you taste how badly your body needs me."_

_When those incredible blue eyes shyly meet mine, I nearly come undone. She does exactly as I've asked and sucks her arousal from my fingers. If she were any other sub, I'd order her to her knees for a more thorough demonstration of her sucking abilities. But she's not and I want to be fully inside of her… need to be fully inside of her. Now._

"_You taste so sweet, don't you baby?" I say as I replace my fingers with my lips and kiss her slowly and thoroughly. I push the robe from her shoulders and take a moment to drink in her stunning body once again before ordering softly, "On the bed. Kneel on your hands and knees. I am going to fuck you now."_

_Once again, she does exactly as she is told and somehow I feel myself growing even harder, almost painfully so. I rip off my pajama bottoms and leave them lying on the floor before I climb up on the bed and position myself behind her. _

_She's ready – more than ready – and waiting for me breathlessly. Her ass is a glorious color. God, this girl is perfection and she is all mine. Only mine. I want to cover her in diamonds. I'll give her anything, everything I own. This one little girl has no idea of the power she wields over me and that, I decide, is a good thing. She doesn't need to know. It's better this way. If she knew, I would be the truly powerless one – I would be her sub, body and soul. This is how it should be. Anastasia Rose Steel - under my control, my protection._

"_Protection?" the voice hisses bitterly, intruding once again. "Are these marks on her perfect flesh supposed to represent your protection?"_

_I push the unwelcome thoughts aside. She IS protected. Precious. She is everything. I would never actually harm her or allow anyone or anything else to do so, ever. I'd kill anyone who dared harm a hair on her head._

_I ease myself into her, reveling in the fact that there is no longer the barrier of a condom between us. Just skin on skin. The feeling is incredible. She's so soft, so tight, so warm. All mine. Once fully inside I pull back suddenly and slam myself back inside of her. She utters a sharp cry and I feel her inner walls begin to spasm around me. _

"_Oh Ana," I groan as I begin to thrust hard, prolonging her peak. "You're coming already? I don't remember saying that you could," I scold, although I am beyond delighted by her response._

"_I'm… sor - sorry, Sir," she gasps. _

"_Now you're so deliciously slippery. I think I shall have to take you very, very hard, Miss Steele."_

_She moans and I feel her body clench around me in response. It's so very sweet. Yes, baby. That's right. Give yourself to me._

_I begin a pounding rhythm. Once again I am losing myself in her. I won't last much longer._

"_Give it to me again, Anastasia," I order gruffly._

"_No! Get away from me!" she screams. _

_Suddenly I am no longer inside of her. We are standing and she is now wearing her robe and once again in tears. I reach for her, but she shrinks from me. _

"_Stay away from me. Don't you dare touch me," she hisses. She's so angry, so cold._

"_Ana, please," I plead. _

_But she is gone. She's no longer here with me._

"_Ana! Anastasia!" I scream._

And I wake alone, covered in a cold sweat. Oh God… Ana.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Here is Christian's first morning without Ana. I hope I've captured his character. Thanks so much for the reviews. They mean so much.

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It is very early on Sunday morning when I wake alone. I can still feel Ana, still taste her, my body is still raging with desire for her… but she is not here. How can I miss her so fiercely after such a short time? We've shared a bed less than a half dozen times and yet I find I can barely sleep more than an hour or two without her.

The sun has just begun to rise and that does not seem right. As foolish as it may sound, a part of me is stunned that the world is still spinning on its axis. The sun is going to rise again and the world hasn't stopped. It is surreal almost. As I look out my window I can see cars moving down below. People are up and going about their regular lives just as they do on any other Sunday morning. One would think my world hasn't ended.

It has been almost twenty-four hours since Ana left me and the thought of getting up and facing another day is overwhelming. One thing is certain, I simply cannot go through another one like yesterday. I also cannot hide in bed and let the nightmares torment me either.

The day before, after Ana walked out on me, I believe I was legitimately in shock for a few hours. I sort of miss that feeling. As horrible as it was, it is nothing like the unending, soul shattering pain I feel now.

After seeing her to the elevator, I wandered into my study, started up my laptop and simply stared at the screen for an unknown stretch of time. I have always been able to lose myself in work, but I couldn't find it in myself to answer even the simplest email query at that moment. The writing on the screen may as well have been ancient Greek. Everything that was once so familiar seemed incredibly foreign to me all of a sudden.

Finally, I accepted that I was getting nowhere and decided to head to the gym. Perhaps a good workout would clear my head. That plan fell apart, however, as soon as I entered my bedroom. My intentions of changing into workout clothes were forgotten the moment my eyes fell on the box that was lying on my pillow.

_This reminded me of a happy time.  
Thank you.  
Ana_

She'd given me a model kit for a Blanik L23 glider. I traced a finger across her short, handwritten note as memories of that day flashed through my mind. Every detail is seared on my brain, from her adorable grumbling when I woke her up that morning, to her smile of wonder when she realized what we were doing that day.

Every smile. Every giggle. Everything.

My God the memories are physically painful. I wanted to rage at her for making me feel this way. Part of me is so incredibly angry with her. How dare she do something so… _thoughtful_. It makes the pain of losing her so much harder to take.

She said she loved me, that she would never leave me, and then she left. I still don't understand it. But the glider gave me something to do, something that didn't require a great deal of higher brain function, something that was connected to Ana. For that, at least, I was grateful.

Aside from the overwhelming feeling of loss, my head is also pounding out of my skull. I got drunk last night, _really drunk_. I have not been drunk in many years. Intoxication tends to lead to a loss of control, which is something I detest and generally avoid at all costs. I truly hate myself this morning for the disgusting spectacle I undoubtedly provided the previous evening.

I skipped the gala, so at least my shame was not up for public consumption, but Taylor saw, of course. He wisely had the sense not to comment. There's a reason I keep him around. I now recall that Elena knows of my shame as well. I vaguely remember her calling, me spilling my guts like some sap, and then begging her not to come over to "show her support". Christian Grey begging again, I'm sure that brought back fond memories for Mrs. Lincoln. I find I want no part of those memories myself. I do not want her support. I want Ana's, only Ana's.

None of that compares to my greatest humiliation, however. Or perhaps it is best termed as my greatest "near miss".

I drunk dialed Anastasia like some fucking teenaged boy. I would like to smash my face in for that display of stupidity. God knows what I would have said had she answered. Most likely more pathetic begging is my guess.

When I dialed her number I heard her Blackberry ringing from downstairs. For a split second I thought she'd returned to me and I was filled with an incredible feeling of relief and elation. Then I realize that she had obviously neglected to forward her calls back to her cell. Foolish girl. Sometimes I wonder if she thinks at all. What if there was an emergency of some sort and someone desperately needed to get in touch with her? Of course, if I were a proper Dom, she would not have to think about such things. I would do that for her. Unfortunately, I have proven myself to be an utter failure on that front. I know now where I went wrong with her. I know why I spent the night tormented by nightmares and awoke with empty arms. I truly have only myself to blame.

Any Dom worth his salt would never have allowed their sub to dictate the terms of her own punishment. They would never have gone along with that ridiculous bargain of hers. It just isn't done and for good reason. What makes it worse is the fact that I KNEW BETTER. As an untrained sub, she is not ready to know how "bad it can get". For one thing she is still having problems accepting the fact that being punished is arousing for her. But still, like the utter fool that I am, I allowed her to call the shots.

If I had done things my way, she would have gotten a very hard spanking with nothing more than my bare hand. I would have made her count and quite possibly gone to twenty-five, making it clear that the last five or so were added on because she ran from me.

After that was done, I would have fucked her especially hard and, depending on her attitude, I may or may not have deprived her of an orgasm. Had I done things that way, she may have been a little angry with me, perhaps, but I also fully believe she would still be here with me.

Why do I fail to use simple common sense where this one little girl is concerned? _What is wrong with me?_

Do I love her? Was Elena actually right about that?

Perhaps I do. I know I've never felt like this before. Normally, if a sub's desires are too far from my own, I walk away without a second thought or so much as a backward glance. There are plenty of pretty brunettes willing to play by my rules, why waste energy with someone who is not compatible?

But Anastasia is different. I want to please her. I want her company even when she insists on being difficult. I want her to like me. I've never cared if a sub liked me or not. Respected me, yes, but 'like' was never part of the equation. This is all so odd. I can think of nothing else, no one else. The very thought of another sub tastes like ashes in my mouth.

_She was NEVER your sub!_

No, she wasn't - not really, I admit it. She never signed a contract and part of me didn't even want her to. I love her smart mouth. I love that she challenges me… and I want _more_. I do. It's as simple and as complicated as that.

Before she left, I told myself that I was only doing 'more' to please her. It was simply a means to an end, a rather unconventional way of gaining control over her. And I _do_ want to control her. I need to control her. A dark part of me would like to drive to her apartment right now and prove to her that she is mine. Make love to her, force her to yield to me, show her how much she needs me… and take back all the control I ceded to her.

"_You are one fucked-up son of a bitch."_

It's true, I am. But oddly, I do not wish to punish her anymore and the thought of instilling fear in her sickens me. I want to control her, but I do not want to hurt her to do so. I never want to see that look in her eyes again, never want to hear such words from her. I'll do ANYTHING to avoid it. I'm not sure what all of that means, but it is why I cannot contact her yet. I need to "sort my shit out" first. Truer words were never spoken.

The only thing I know is that I want her back. I want it all. I want her to be my girlfriend and my sub. I want to be everything to her.

_You are everything to her. She loves you._

Why do those three simple words send pure terror through me? I should be pleased. Normal men want their girlfriends to love them. Problem is, I am not a normal man. I know I can be an excellent Dom to her. I can take care of her like no one else in the world and show her more pleasure than she could ever imagine in her wildest dreams. But I cannot be the man who deserves her love. I simply cannot. I am too broken.

_You do not deserve her. You're one twisted, dark, heartless son of a bitch. Anastasia only thinks she loves you. Her so-called love will dissolve the moment she knows your deepest secret. You know this Grey. Let her go._

I feel sick at the thought. I would rather her never love me at all than to see that love turn to disgust. I can't bear it. I also cannot bear the thought of never holding her again. I am truly damned.

What am I supposed to do? Can I leave her alone and let her find someone who deserves her? Or do I try to show her I can be that man – even though I don't believe it myself. Will I even survive if I fail again?


	3. Chapter 3

If I were a better man, I would stay away from Anastasia. But I am not a better man. I'm one sick fuck. There is no debating that fact. But even knowing this, I can't give her up. Without her, I feel like I am slowly drowning. I'm nowhere near selfless enough to let her go, so I must do whatever is necessary to ensure that she remains mine and only mine.

I must convince her that I am worthy of her and can give her what she needs, even though I know I will never truly deserve her. She has said that I don't play fair and she couldn't be more correct about that. What she doesn't realize is that if I play fair and tell her the full truth about who and what I am, she will never want to see me again. I can't risk that.

_She probably never wants to see you again as it is._

As much as I hate it, that voice may be right. She may have completely washed her hands of me. The thought fills me with desperation and a need to confront her, so that I will know once and for all if I have any chance with her. Yet, I know I'm not ready to see Ana face-to-face again. I haven't fully formulated my plan to win her back. I must gain some sort of control over my own emotions and actions before I see her, otherwise I'll either frighten her, make a huge fool of myself, or both. Still, I am desperate to see her, so I turn to video surveillance.

Big Brother is indeed watching, but in many cases it is not the government doing the watching. Businesses are the one whose eyes are on us more often than not. There are countless private security cameras in use by everything from the smallest mom and pop store to the largest corporation. All of it is done in the name of security, mostly to discourage theft and vandalism or to aid in capturing those criminals who fail to be discouraged. The bottom line is that it is all done for the sake of the almighty dollar, which many may argue is the true ruler of the country anyway. Regardless, whatever your political philosophy, it is a simple fact that there are very few public places that are not under surveillance and if you are wealthy and powerful enough, that surveillance footage is very easily accessible.

Thanks to the right connections along with the cameras at the small coffee shop across the street from her bus stop, and the cameras at the bar and grill across the street from SIP, I have gained a small glimpse into her first day on the job.

It would not make her happy, but I _need_ to see her regardless of her what her wishes may be. The only image I have of her is the shot of the two of us at her graduation. I have stared at it for so long that I've memorized ever detail. I tell myself that I simply need to see more of her, but have to admit that is not the only reason. The truth is, I am afraid. I realize we've only been apart for two days, but I am afraid that she has moved on. Why shouldn't she? She is beautiful, desirable, intelligent, witty… so many things.

I'm aware of several young men who would be more than happy to help her move on. In the past she has apparently shown little to no interest in these suitors, but now that I have awakened her to her sexuality, I fear that she may change her mind. She may decide that she is no longer satisfied with a life of abstinence and that she would like to explore her passionate side with someone who isn't fifty shades of fucked-up… _someone who deserves her._

But those boys don't deserve her either! They cannot give her the things I can give her. They won't know her body the way I do and will not make keeping her safe their number one priority. Why should they be allowed to have her? _They can't have her._

I'm suddenly furious with Ana. How could she leave me like this? I am so miserable, so lost. The empire that I've worked so hard to obtain means nothing to me. Everything is gray and tasteless. The only thing that even mildly interested me today was getting the ball rolling on purchasing SIP. Ana will learn that she can't get rid of me so easily. One way or another I will have her back.

I am shaking with rage as I begin to view the bus stop footage on my laptop. She shouldn't even be riding the damn bus, but I know without a doubt that I will see her there. She hasn't been able to cash my check yet and she is too stubborn and proud to ask anyone else for help. She shouldn't need help. The silly girl would have a car if she hadn't thrown it back in my face. Why would she choose public transportation? She's likely to be groped by some drunken jackass. The thought makes me wants to hit something.

Around the 8:30 A.M. mark, I glimpse a familiar figure and stop fast forwarding. It is my Anastasia. I'd know her anywhere. She is wearing jeans and a button down blouse. Definitely not dressed like a professional, but my research on SIP indicates that it is a very casual atmosphere. Her clothing is not what is striking, however. When my eyes on fall on her face, all of my rage suddenly dissolves.

She looks so lost as she stands there waiting for the bus. Her shoulders are hunched and her eyes are downcast. I can barely see her beautiful face. I feel sick. Immediately, the image of Leila that was captured on Escala's security cameras while I was in Georgia comes to mind. They both look so haunted, so similar. Did I do this to Ana?

_Yes, of course you did. This is what you do to women. This is how you like them – broken and beat down. _

No! I can't bear to see Ana this way. I want to see her smile, hear her giggle. I don't want _this._ Even the beast that lives within me cringes away from the image on the screen. I'll do anything to erase the misery I see here in front of me. She deserves so much better than this. I wish I could hold her right now and comfort her somehow.

That's when it hits me. I don't want to hurt her anymore. In fact, I will do _anything_ to avoid it. Having her back is the only thing that is important. The play room and all of its implements of pain seem very insignificant now. For the first time in my adult life I am willing to compromise for another person. I still need to control her, but I also realize that - more than anything - I need her to love me and I want her to be happy. She deserves to be happy. And if she wants hearts and flowers, I will give her hearts and flowers.

I minimize the screen and quickly do a search for local high-end florists. Under any other circumstances, I would ask Andrea to take on such a task - not that I've ever sent anyone flowers before. But I want to do this myself. I _need_ to do this myself.

The note I send with the roses is not great poetry, but perhaps Anastasia will get the message and perhaps the flowers will bring a bit of light back to her face. At least it will be a step down the right path.

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A/N: Thanks so much to everyone who has read and followed this story. I was truly overwhelmed. I know this was short, but I had no wish or intention to alter canon here. This is more of a character study. A glimpse of what Christian's thought process may have been like during their time apart.

All of the support has encouraged me to do what I originally wanted to do, which is to write an AU story in which Ana does sign the contract and becomes Christian's sub. Parts of it will be a bit dark, but like the novels, I plan on it being a love story and a story of redemption. Mostly, I'd like to take the tale down a different path for a while and see Christian struggle with trying to have 'everything' and realizing that he'd rather see Ana happy even if it means giving up some of his control. 


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